Last post of 2009

Y'all have fun partying. I'll be in bed trying to sleep off this head cold and sore throat.

Happy new year! Remember -- it is illegal to shoot your firearms into the air if you live inside city limits, not to mention stupid.

Time to see if my tea has cooled to "just right."

Leaving in a white van

Leaving around 10:30 tomorrow (Monday) morning to drive back to Kansas. Will check in when we get back.

And that's that

I just finished making my four slide Powerpoint presentation for statistics. After I do the five minute presentation on Tuesday, I will be mostly done for the semester. Both of my girls (undergrad assisants) who helped me this semester with all the physical stuff I am unable to do have asked to continue as my minions next semester, and that is a HUGE relief to me. They are both intelligent, driven, and extremely well self-directed, so I know my fishies will be safe next semester while I'm gone. We're going to practice photographing fins this week so they know EXACTLY how I want it done, then at the beginning of next semester they will photograph all the fins and send me the pictures to play with.

On the preparing to go home front, I went through all of my clothes at the beginning of the month and donated a bunch of stuff to the athletic department's clothing drive for a local mission. Over the last two nights, Tracie has helped me go through the closet by my bed, and I've gotten rid of about half the stuff I had stored in there. I still need to go through the kitchen closet (candles, incense, herbs, winter outerwear) and the big dresser (a junk drawer, a Reba drawer, and a linen drawer). Then the BOOKS. That's going to be crazy, my friends. I'm predicting one box of clothes and at least three of books. Think I'm joking? Ask Anita, Jonikka, or my parents about the clothing-to-book box ratio when I moved out of my Wichita apartment to move here. Tuesday is "talk with your advisor" day, Wednesday will find Moby getting two new shoes and an oil change, and Mom flies in Thursday afternoon. We have tentative plans to go eat with two of my friends and go have dinner made for us at other friends' house at some point over the weekend. Also over the weekend, we'll be hauling some of my stuff (bookshelf, table, TV, DVD player, dishes, small kitchen appliances) to Tracie's house in NO East for storage until I come back. Mom and I plan to leave on Monday, to arrive home on Tuesday.

OK, so I'm going to go try to read Twilight now. I promised a friend almost a year ago that I'd read it, and I still haven't gotten up the nerve. Let's face it, the descriptions of plot I've heard have nearly made my brain cramp. I'll try to keep an open mind, but at the first sign of nausea or neuron suicidal behavior, I'm done. There are too many books in the world to waste time on sparkly, emo vamps. Wait -- open mind, open mind.

What is this "relax" of which you speak?

The Ford Foundation Diversity Fellowship was submitted on 7 Nov. -- two days ahead of schedule.

The poster for the SETAC meeting was emailed to Kinko's on 18 Nov. and finished on 19 Nov. -- it is bright, shiny, all KINDS of sexy in its 40" x 56" glory, and ready to be shown off on Sunday. Can't wait to see the looks on the faces of all those stuffed suits when they realize the chick in the power wheelchair with the dog is the primary author.

The NSF DDIG grant was submitted today -- a whopping hour and a half ahead of the deadline.

All I have left to do school-wise before moving home is make a 5-minute PowerPoint describing some of my data and what statistical methods I used to analyze them, with my presentation being given on 1 Dec. -- maybe I'll get around to it on Monday.

Tomorrow is dedicated to reading a big chunk of The Sweet Far Thing, playing games at MSN Games, a possible nap in my chair, and maybe "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" on USA.

Relaxing. Let's see if I remember what that is.

Message in a CD case. In a drawer. In a backpack. In a . . .

Little Elena Desserich, a six-year-old diagnosed with brain cancer, hid love notes to her parents and sister all over their house before she passed on. The brief story contains links to the published book by her parents and the non-profit foundation which will receive the proceeds from the book.

What a beautiful little girl with an insightful, wise heart and mind. One of the story's commenters said she was an old soul. I agree -- you can see it in her amazing eyes.

::maniacal giggling::

I thought this was funny as HELL -- but that might be because I got less than five hours of sleep last night.



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The worst thing . . .

. . . about science is the writing. I loathe the writing even more than figuring out how to run the stats. I dislike it mainly because between how much of it I'm having to do right now and all the measuring of fish heads I'm doing at the same time, my already weak hand and wrist muscles are seriously fatigued. It's times like this when I think having voice recognition software would be a good thing.

Cuteness warning

This reminds me of that baby squirrel Sarah and I found at the cemetery the day after my birthday, only ours was half the size of this one.



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Boooooooo

I didn't get tickets to hear Obama speak. ::sad Dawn face::

A US president will be on my campus at the same time I am, and I'll be restricted to watching him on streaming Internet video. From two buildings away.

Obama in the Big Easy

President Obama is coming to my university on Thursday. I'm trying to register for a ticket to attend, but the form isn't on the website even though it was supposed to go live 35 minutes ago.

If I miss this opportunity because of technical issues, I will be mad.

Thought for the Day, Rejected

"Love is something that you can leave behind you when you die. It's that powerful."
--John (Fire) Lame Deer, Lakota



In other news, my fish FA review was rejected. They said it didn't fit the scope of their journal, though their description of their "perspectives" articles seems like exactly what I did. Oh well, they gave a couple of suggestions to improve the manuscript, so I'll see what I can do and resubmit somewhere else.

Meet Herr Krumm

I'd like to introduce you to Herr Krumm, resident of 1000 ppb Atrazine, Fish Room, Computing Center, University of New Orleans. This is the best picture one of my lovely minions (undergrad assistants) has been able to take of the elusive Herr Krumm, which is German for "Mister Crooked," but she was able to obtain a video of him. He's a plucky little fish who doesn't let his gross morpological deformity stop him from swimming quite fast and obtaining his daily TetraMin flakes. What an inspiration to his tankmates!

Thought for the Day

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Everything is sent, plus a plug

I uploaded my FA manuscript, and I emailed the copyright form to the journal -- all yesterday morning, on 09/09/09. Gotta have some luck in that.

Now I move on to more analysis of data I have, I sit down with our departmental animal development guru for developing a staining protocol for my fish, I sit down with our departmental statistics guru (yay, we finally have one!) and figure out how to analyze some other data I have, and I get started on my fellowship app, my grant app, and my SETAC poster.

I'm going to go finish reading The Summer Tree, and I'll flip through my friend Marrus's new book that just arrived in the mail today. Marrus is a one-of-a-kind woman who lives life on her own terms and is obviously comfortable in her own skin, and Lightsurfing is partly about how she got to be that way. She's a fabulously talented artist (see her latest painting) who doesn't receive nearly enough recognition or money. Please, support her talent by purchasing her book here.

/shameless friend plug

No, I did not get a free book for typing that. I paid the $33.95 -- but the butt balloons Marrus drew next to her inscription to me were free. I love my friends! ::grin::

The time has finally come

I think I've finished all my formatting on my research review. All I have to do is write the cover letter, then I can get this opus submitted for review and hopefully acceptance into Canadian Journal of Fisheries and Aquatic Sciences. I'm going to try to submit it tonight. Any prayers/well-wishes/candles lit/etc. would be greatly appreciated.

Appreciative

My friend Lynlee sent me a link tonight to Rate My Professor. She had been looking around on the site and came across two ratings of my brother from when he tutored at the English department's Writing Center.

with the lone exception of driving home from a blue oyster cult reunion concert in the rain while the troubled young girl you met at the show sleeps it off in your lap, there's nothing better than a tutorial from paul allenbauch, whose sustained grammatical brilliance even rivals the rockingness of the post-solo feedback in "don't fear the reaper."

And the second, who seemed to really know P:

Paul is the heart and soul of not only matters in english but of humanity as well. He brings it like the hammer of Thor reigning oer the lands thirsting for his unbridled and unmatched brilliance.Dig deep my friends for he may break waves upon the proverbial rocks of your soul but the cool spray will leave you wanting the rainbow left in its mist

All spelling and grammatical errors are the students' own. :-)

I smiled when I read these. I was glad to see there were two people willing to put their appreciation of P's help out there on the Internet. My brother was the self-professed "grammar god" of the writing center, and he loved teaching students about the intricacies of punctuation, verb tense, a good introductory paragraph, and writing an essay that actually addressed the assignment even as he threatened to phrenologize the occasional student for bad comma placement.

I miss him and his empty threats.

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More tomorrow.

Random Thoughts When the Rain Makes Me Sleeeeeeeeeeeepy

"When cemeteries fail" sounds like a great title to a cheesy zombie story.

Yeah yeah yeah

I know it's been a bit since I blogged, but after I get home this weekend, I'll try to take time to catch you up on the last ten weeks or so. I've just been quite busy despite depression and health issues.

So, I'll be in KS in time for supper on Saturday, and I will be around until July 29. There are pals I'm hoping to see, and you know who you are (especially you four -- Mouse, Psi, 'wela, Lachlan -- who I have not seen since P's funeral). So much to do this trip:

-- get my stupid blood under control

-- finish one manuscript, start two others

-- hang out with my peeps and hug 'em all (especially the 6-month-old nephew) 'til their eyes bug out

-- read a s*** ton of research articles

-- see HP and the Half-Blood Prince

-- get some things fixed on my chair

-- fun, novel-type reading

-- maybe talk Rolando into going to the zoo, especially the one near my house

-- do my yearlies with the cardiologist, the neurologist, the pulmonologist, and the urologist

For now, more library research. 'Night!

So

My laptop is on the fritz.

I have a UTI.

I have not a lot of money to feed myself this month.

Reba has no monthly flea meds (Surprise! I thought there was one more.), her shots are due, and she needs a haircut in the worst way.

I have a CfH (Cold from Hell) that allows me to hack GGGs (Great Gobs of Goo) all day plus bestows upon me mounds of head congestion.

I'm not getting the fellowship I needed for next year, so without an amazing miracle plan that will give me about $35K, I will have to drop out one year from finishing my degree.

In short, I'm a broke, sick failure.



How is your April?

Vanity Squee!

My 1999 Environmental Toxicology and Chemistry article has been cited in nineteen other scientific articles.

NINETEEN!!!

That's an average of twice a year. I'm told that's pretty good.

I find myself strangely motivated to work. What an ego boost!

General Exam

Oh.

My.

Creator.

I was shut in a room with five men two to three times bigger than me for three solid hours having every soft bit of me kicked and poked and gouged and kicked some more and punched and sliced open and packed with salt.

I made it out of the room. I tended to my wounds while my tormentors decided my fate. Would it be thumbs up, be on your way, valiant gladiator, with our thoughts on how to fight better the next time? Would it be thumbs down, thrown to the lions for the violent death of your dreams? An hour later, I knew.

Thumbs up, with caveats.

I now must meet individually with my tormentors. The beatings will continue.

Countdown to GE Day -- 7 days

::checks clock:: Gads, it's only 6:59 a.m. I've been up for two hours, but it seems like more.

Checklist for General Exam

-- proposal document with figures, tables, and references -- DONE

-- send proposal to dissertation committee -- DONE

-- Powerpoint presentation -- DONE

-- send Powerpoint to advisor for review -- ATTEMPTED (but it bounced back as too big for inbox)

-- practice talk -- TO DO

-- read some literature in a vain attempt to prepare for defense -- TO DO

-- check laser presenter to be sure batteries are good -- TO DO

-- stockpile chocolate as stress reliever -- DONE

-- be nervous -- DONE

-- be extremely nervous -- TO DO

-- take nap -- WANTED BADLY

Countdown to GE Day -- 12 days / Choking / New Year's Lists

So yesterday I accomplished nothing in the Great General Exam Preparation (hereafter referred to as GGEP), not a single Powerpoint slide nor a single scientific word read. I offer no excuses but laziness.

I've had a cold for about a week, and this morning it tried to kill me. Literally. I woke up feeling hot and moved to push down my blankets. That done, I rolled my head from right to left to stretch my neck muscles. (Warning: potential ick factor ahead) When I did so, apparently I shifted a wad of mucus so that it blocked my airway. Unfortunately, this was stuff that had been sitting for a bit and had started to harden, thus it wasn't easy to get even a tiny bit of air around it. I had an initial second of panic in which a whipped my head back and forth a couple of times, and I must have moved it again a bit because I was able to draw a small breath. I used it to cough against the wad, moving it a little more. Another small breath, my brain screaming WANT MORE, but I kept my cool and coughed again. Small breath, cough, a little bigger breath, cough. I was making horrible mucus-y gagging choking sounds, but it occurred to me that I wasn't loud enough for my dad to hear me in the living room. I thought, "I could die on my own mucus right here." As soon as I thought that, a louder thought came through: "F--- THAT! I'm defending my proposal soon!" I coughed a few more times, and I was finally able to start the clearing your throat action. After an hour (really probably 15-20 seconds), I cleared my airway completely and took a gigantic breath. I coughed a few more times just to be sure, then thanked the Higher I got rid of it. I'll be glad when this cold is gone!

Finally, as the New Year begins, I'd like to share this wonderful insight I received on Wednesday from DailyOM. It really affected me, and I hope you enjoy it.


New Year's Resolutions: The Two Lists
A Message from DailyOM Co-Founder Scott Blum

I was fortunate to spend time with an enigmatic man named Robert during a very special period of my life. Robert taught me many things during our days together, and this time of year reminds me of one particular interaction we had.

"Now that you are becoming more aware," Robert said, "you need to begin to set goals for yourself so you don't lose the momentum you have built."

"Like New Year's resolutions?" I asked.

"That's an interesting idea," he smirked. "Let's do that."

By then I was used to his cryptic responses, so I knew something was up because of the way his eyes sparkled as he let out an impish laugh.

"Tonight's assignment is to make two lists," Robert continued. "The first is a list of all the New Year's resolutions you WANT to keep, and the second is a list of all the New Year's resolutions you WILL keep. Write the WANT List first, and when you have exhausted all of your ideas, then write the second list on another sheet of paper."

That night I went home and spent several hours working on the two lists. The WANT List felt overwhelming at first, but after a while I got into writing all the things I had always wanted to do if the burdens of life hadn't gotten in the way. After nearly an hour, the list swelled to fill the entire page and contained nearly all of my ideas of an ideal life. The second list was much easier, and I was able to quickly commit ten practical resolutions that I felt would be both realistic and helpful.

The next day, I met Robert in front of the local food Co-op, where we seemed to have most of our enlightening conversations. "Tell me about your two lists," Robert said as the familiar smirk crept onto his face.

"The first list contains all the things I SHOULD do if I completely changed my life to be the person I always wanted to be. And the second list contains all the things I COULD do by accepting my current life, and taking realistic steps towards the life I want to lead."

"Let me see the second list," he said.

I handed him the second list, and without even looking at it, he ripped the paper into tiny pieces and threw it in the nearby garbage can. His disregard for the effort I had put into the list annoyed me at first, but after I calmed down I began to think about the first list in a different light. In my heart, I knew the second list was a cop out, and the first list was the only one that really mattered.

"And now, the first list." Robert bowed his head and held out both of his hands.

I purposefully handed him the first list and held his gaze for several seconds, waiting for him to begin reading the page. After an unusually long silence, he began to crumple the paper into a ball and once again tossed it into the can without looking at it.

"What did you do that for?!" I couldn't hide my anger any longer.

Robert began to speak in a quiet and assured voice. "What you SHOULD or COULD do with your life no longer matters. The only thing that matters, from this day forward, is what you MUST do."

He then drew a folded piece of paper from his back pocket and handed it to me.

I opened it carefully, and found a single word floating in the middle of the white page:

"Love."