The ceremony for the Peter John Loux award was Thursday, 1 December. Both of my parents and one of my best friends attended. I figured they'd read a bio of us -- which is embarrassing enough -- but they made each of us stand at the front of the room while they did. Awkward! As I've mentioned before, I don't see myself as doing anything particularly noteworthy or "inspiring", so watching people make a big deal out of me getting a BS and MS and working on my Ph.D. makes me uncomfortable. As for the disability activism, someone has to do it, but no one WAS doing it.
After, the folks, my friend, and I went to Bella Luna for lunch. I said screw my diet and had hummus and the six-cheese pasta. I requested grilled shrimp on top of the pasta, but it was delivered with grilled chicken. I mentioned this to the waiter, and he said, "Go ahead and eat that, and I'll get you some shrimp too." Bonus!
It was a great day, despite the cold.
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2010 in Review
As I lay in bed late last night (early this morning) listening to the fireworks and gunshots ringing in the new year, I was momentarily depressed as I realized I had spent more than half the year in rehab. I'd lost my entire summer and fall, and I'd spent my birthday and favorite holiday (Halloween) locked up. My poor, dear Moby suffered an early, untimely, and certainly undeserved demise at the hands of a careless young man.
My body, as though not experiencing enough physical challenges, was busted all to hell, resulting in me being pinned and plated and rodded to the point that I now have more hardware inside me than a Home Depot. I thought of all the rough things my friends have also gone through this year.
But suddenly I thought, "Wait. It's the first hour of a new year, and thinking of the negatives is not the way to start it." So instead, I started thinking about the good things that have happened in 2010, and suddenly I realized that even though so many bad things have happened, some pretty amazing things have happened, too.
March -- My cousin Josh and his wife Kyla welcomed the newest member of their family, Makynna Lynnlee. "Kenya" (a slip of one of her sisters' tongue) is Josh's fourth and Kyla's second.
March -- I was introduced to the group Great Big Sea ("from the tropical island of Newfoundland") via a concert my friend Lynlee took me to.
March -- My friends Jonikka and Erik were married on the Spring Equinox. I was the maid of honor.
April -- I received notification that I had been awarded one of the prestigious Ford Fellowships to help me complete my dissertation.
April? -- My friend Suzanne successfully completed her Ed.D. at UCSD.
May -- My friend Anita quit her job. You might think this would be a bad (maybe even a horrible) thing, but if you knew even half the s--- she had to put up with from her boss, you'd realize how fabulous this is.
June -- My cousin Amanda and her husband Jim welcomed the newest member of their family, Grace Ellen. She is Amanda's first and Jim's third.
July -- I got up in my chair for the first time in a month.
August -- I went with my folks to see Celtic Woman in concert. Fab. U. Lous.
August -- I celebrated my 39th birthday. Many people dread birthdays of this magnitude, but not me. According to the doctors in London who diagnosed me when I was 3, I wasn't supposed to live past 20. Every birthday since then has been a celebration.
October -- My fluctuating asymmetry review -- on which I'd been writing and rewriting for four years and had submitted to three journals -- was finally accepted for publication by Reviews in Fish Biology and Fisheries.
October -- I officially became eligible for the state program "Money Follows the Person" because I had been in rehab at least 90 days. This program automatically gets me paid attendant care at home when I finally escape this joint -- something I've been trying to get since I moved back to Kansas last December.
November -- My friend Marrus married her very own G.I. Joe (term used affectionately) in a "shotgun" wedding as Jay will be deployed very soon. You can see their custom cupcake topper and a picture of their gorgeous selves on Marrus's LJ.
November -- I got to go home for the first time in six months.
November -- My friend Amanda and her husband Roger welcomed the newest member of their family, Kaylynn Lee. Kay was a little early and experienced some respiratory issues, but to my knowledge she is now doing well. She is Amanda and Roger's first.
November -- My friend Anita successfully completed her masters thesis at WSU. She was so amazing.
December -- I was contacted by a masters student in the Philippines and a professor in Germany requesting copies of my review as their universities do not have subscriptions to that journal.
So now, my goals for the year. I really only have two major ones. First, I'm getting out of this rehab hell. Seven months is far too long for someone like me to be locked up, and it's time to go home. Second, I'm completing my Ph.D. It might take me until November, but you can put money on being able to call me Doctor Dawn no later than Christmas. Early notice to my New Orleans tribe -- you are hereby invited to my dissertation presentation and to my hooding at graduation, and we should start planning where to have my celebration. As to that last, there had better be fruity-rum drinks involved! To my biological family and to my Kansas pack -- anyone who wishes/is able to come to either the defense or the hooding is soooo welcome!
Finally, I'd like to thank everyone who has been so supportive of me over the last seven months. Your visits, calls, and emails have really helped keep me sane. I love you all, and I hope your 2011 is filled to overflowing with love, happiness, and blessings in your personal and professional endeavors.
My body, as though not experiencing enough physical challenges, was busted all to hell, resulting in me being pinned and plated and rodded to the point that I now have more hardware inside me than a Home Depot. I thought of all the rough things my friends have also gone through this year.
But suddenly I thought, "Wait. It's the first hour of a new year, and thinking of the negatives is not the way to start it." So instead, I started thinking about the good things that have happened in 2010, and suddenly I realized that even though so many bad things have happened, some pretty amazing things have happened, too.
March -- My cousin Josh and his wife Kyla welcomed the newest member of their family, Makynna Lynnlee. "Kenya" (a slip of one of her sisters' tongue) is Josh's fourth and Kyla's second.
March -- I was introduced to the group Great Big Sea ("from the tropical island of Newfoundland") via a concert my friend Lynlee took me to.
March -- My friends Jonikka and Erik were married on the Spring Equinox. I was the maid of honor.
April -- I received notification that I had been awarded one of the prestigious Ford Fellowships to help me complete my dissertation.
April? -- My friend Suzanne successfully completed her Ed.D. at UCSD.
May -- My friend Anita quit her job. You might think this would be a bad (maybe even a horrible) thing, but if you knew even half the s--- she had to put up with from her boss, you'd realize how fabulous this is.
June -- My cousin Amanda and her husband Jim welcomed the newest member of their family, Grace Ellen. She is Amanda's first and Jim's third.
July -- I got up in my chair for the first time in a month.
August -- I went with my folks to see Celtic Woman in concert. Fab. U. Lous.
August -- I celebrated my 39th birthday. Many people dread birthdays of this magnitude, but not me. According to the doctors in London who diagnosed me when I was 3, I wasn't supposed to live past 20. Every birthday since then has been a celebration.
October -- My fluctuating asymmetry review -- on which I'd been writing and rewriting for four years and had submitted to three journals -- was finally accepted for publication by Reviews in Fish Biology and Fisheries.
October -- I officially became eligible for the state program "Money Follows the Person" because I had been in rehab at least 90 days. This program automatically gets me paid attendant care at home when I finally escape this joint -- something I've been trying to get since I moved back to Kansas last December.
November -- My friend Marrus married her very own G.I. Joe (term used affectionately) in a "shotgun" wedding as Jay will be deployed very soon. You can see their custom cupcake topper and a picture of their gorgeous selves on Marrus's LJ.
November -- I got to go home for the first time in six months.
November -- My friend Amanda and her husband Roger welcomed the newest member of their family, Kaylynn Lee. Kay was a little early and experienced some respiratory issues, but to my knowledge she is now doing well. She is Amanda and Roger's first.
November -- My friend Anita successfully completed her masters thesis at WSU. She was so amazing.
December -- I was contacted by a masters student in the Philippines and a professor in Germany requesting copies of my review as their universities do not have subscriptions to that journal.
So now, my goals for the year. I really only have two major ones. First, I'm getting out of this rehab hell. Seven months is far too long for someone like me to be locked up, and it's time to go home. Second, I'm completing my Ph.D. It might take me until November, but you can put money on being able to call me Doctor Dawn no later than Christmas. Early notice to my New Orleans tribe -- you are hereby invited to my dissertation presentation and to my hooding at graduation, and we should start planning where to have my celebration. As to that last, there had better be fruity-rum drinks involved! To my biological family and to my Kansas pack -- anyone who wishes/is able to come to either the defense or the hooding is soooo welcome!
Finally, I'd like to thank everyone who has been so supportive of me over the last seven months. Your visits, calls, and emails have really helped keep me sane. I love you all, and I hope your 2011 is filled to overflowing with love, happiness, and blessings in your personal and professional endeavors.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Everything is sent, plus a plug
I uploaded my FA manuscript, and I emailed the copyright form to the journal -- all yesterday morning, on 09/09/09. Gotta have some luck in that.
Now I move on to more analysis of data I have, I sit down with our departmental animal development guru for developing a staining protocol for my fish, I sit down with our departmental statistics guru (yay, we finally have one!) and figure out how to analyze some other data I have, and I get started on my fellowship app, my grant app, and my SETAC poster.
I'm going to go finish reading The Summer Tree, and I'll flip through my friend Marrus's new book that just arrived in the mail today. Marrus is a one-of-a-kind woman who lives life on her own terms and is obviously comfortable in her own skin, and Lightsurfing is partly about how she got to be that way. She's a fabulously talented artist (see her latest painting) who doesn't receive nearly enough recognition or money. Please, support her talent by purchasing her book here.
/shameless friend plug
No, I did not get a free book for typing that. I paid the $33.95 -- but the butt balloons Marrus drew next to her inscription to me were free. I love my friends! ::grin::
Now I move on to more analysis of data I have, I sit down with our departmental animal development guru for developing a staining protocol for my fish, I sit down with our departmental statistics guru (yay, we finally have one!) and figure out how to analyze some other data I have, and I get started on my fellowship app, my grant app, and my SETAC poster.
I'm going to go finish reading The Summer Tree, and I'll flip through my friend Marrus's new book that just arrived in the mail today. Marrus is a one-of-a-kind woman who lives life on her own terms and is obviously comfortable in her own skin, and Lightsurfing is partly about how she got to be that way. She's a fabulously talented artist (see her latest painting) who doesn't receive nearly enough recognition or money. Please, support her talent by purchasing her book here.
/shameless friend plug
No, I did not get a free book for typing that. I paid the $33.95 -- but the butt balloons Marrus drew next to her inscription to me were free. I love my friends! ::grin::
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Yeah yeah yeah
I know it's been a bit since I blogged, but after I get home this weekend, I'll try to take time to catch you up on the last ten weeks or so. I've just been quite busy despite depression and health issues.
So, I'll be in KS in time for supper on Saturday, and I will be around until July 29. There are pals I'm hoping to see, and you know who you are (especially you four -- Mouse, Psi, 'wela, Lachlan -- who I have not seen since P's funeral). So much to do this trip:
-- get my stupid blood under control
-- finish one manuscript, start two others
-- hang out with my peeps and hug 'em all (especially the 6-month-old nephew) 'til their eyes bug out
-- read a s*** ton of research articles
-- see HP and the Half-Blood Prince
-- get some things fixed on my chair
-- fun, novel-type reading
-- maybe talk Rolando into going to the zoo, especially the one near my house
-- do my yearlies with the cardiologist, the neurologist, the pulmonologist, and the urologist
For now, more library research. 'Night!
So, I'll be in KS in time for supper on Saturday, and I will be around until July 29. There are pals I'm hoping to see, and you know who you are (especially you four -- Mouse, Psi, 'wela, Lachlan -- who I have not seen since P's funeral). So much to do this trip:
-- get my stupid blood under control
-- finish one manuscript, start two others
-- hang out with my peeps and hug 'em all (especially the 6-month-old nephew) 'til their eyes bug out
-- read a s*** ton of research articles
-- see HP and the Half-Blood Prince
-- get some things fixed on my chair
-- fun, novel-type reading
-- maybe talk Rolando into going to the zoo, especially the one near my house
-- do my yearlies with the cardiologist, the neurologist, the pulmonologist, and the urologist
For now, more library research. 'Night!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
A good day
Today I woke up to an email from Lupa telling me she will be editing my submission to the anthology "Engaging the Spirit World" in the next month. To quote her email: "Just from a first look, the essay overall is good stuff! I'm probably going to have you tease out some ideas in more detail, but this is a good first draft."
::happy gimp squee::
To tell the truth, I thought it was a crap first draft that would never even make it to the editing stage, and that would have been all my fault because I didn't give myself nearly enough time to do a thorough job. If she still likes it after the second read/editing stage, I will endeavor to make it the best it can be. Imagine me being published in both the science and spiritual venues. Wow.
This afternoon, I visited with my pulmonologist about my random sleeping episodes. His instinct was that I have sleep apnea which is causing me to not rest properly. He wanted to try to get me in to the sleep clinic to do an overnight sleep test, but he didn't think they could get me in before I have to go back to NO to do my General Exam. Then I brought up something my friend Lance (who also has SMA) mentioned to me a few months ago. His youngest sister (who also had SMA) died a few years back from hypercapnia-induced renal failure (at least, that was my take on what he told me). She didn't breathe deeply while asleep and didn't exhale enough carbon dioxide. The kidneys act to help "scrub" CO2 from the blood, and because it took doctors a long time to catch Lori's hypercapnia (excessive blood CO2 levels), her kidneys became too stressed and ultimately failed. I brought this up to Dr. R because I also breathe shallowly while asleep, and he said that he had been thinking about hypercapnia as well. So, we decided to skip the sleep test and go straight for a BiPAP (bilevel positive airway pressure) machine which would be recommended for correcting sleep apnea or hypercapnia, and I don't have to worry about stressing my poor stone-prone kidneys.
Afterwards, we went to Target. I got Christmas presents for Mom and my niece, and I got fun knee high socks and German Black Forest chocolates (dark chocolate squares with a hint of cherry) for myself.
Altogether, a day of accomplishments.
::happy gimp squee::
To tell the truth, I thought it was a crap first draft that would never even make it to the editing stage, and that would have been all my fault because I didn't give myself nearly enough time to do a thorough job. If she still likes it after the second read/editing stage, I will endeavor to make it the best it can be. Imagine me being published in both the science and spiritual venues. Wow.
This afternoon, I visited with my pulmonologist about my random sleeping episodes. His instinct was that I have sleep apnea which is causing me to not rest properly. He wanted to try to get me in to the sleep clinic to do an overnight sleep test, but he didn't think they could get me in before I have to go back to NO to do my General Exam. Then I brought up something my friend Lance (who also has SMA) mentioned to me a few months ago. His youngest sister (who also had SMA) died a few years back from hypercapnia-induced renal failure (at least, that was my take on what he told me). She didn't breathe deeply while asleep and didn't exhale enough carbon dioxide. The kidneys act to help "scrub" CO2 from the blood, and because it took doctors a long time to catch Lori's hypercapnia (excessive blood CO2 levels), her kidneys became too stressed and ultimately failed. I brought this up to Dr. R because I also breathe shallowly while asleep, and he said that he had been thinking about hypercapnia as well. So, we decided to skip the sleep test and go straight for a BiPAP (bilevel positive airway pressure) machine which would be recommended for correcting sleep apnea or hypercapnia, and I don't have to worry about stressing my poor stone-prone kidneys.
Afterwards, we went to Target. I got Christmas presents for Mom and my niece, and I got fun knee high socks and German Black Forest chocolates (dark chocolate squares with a hint of cherry) for myself.
Altogether, a day of accomplishments.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Music Monday
I'm going to apologize right out of the gate to anyone using dial-up to read this blog, because it has as many videos as I could nab and links to others. You see, today's entry is about music and how it affects our moods, and what better way to try to experience what I'll be talking about than to hear the music? Some of these have an emotional tie that you won't be able to experience, but some of these are all about the lyrics.
Saturday night I spent some time alone with my music, really listening to it and letting myself feel the emotions it invoked rather than it just being background noise while I wrote on the prospectus or made dinner. It was a bit of an emotional roller coaster, and I wanted to share some of those feelings since I've gotten good at bottling things up until I explode. I can group the songs into three basic groups: Songs that Remind Me I'm Not As Cynical as I Wish I Were, Songs of Remembrance, and Songs of Strength and Hope.
Songs that Remind Me I'm Not As Cynical as I Wish I Were
I'm not as cynical as I used to be – and I blame it on the Depo! That darned "feel good" hormone progesterone coursing through my body is turning me into a soft girly girl who cries every time she sees the Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercial on TV. Though I must admit that it's awfully nice to not have a heavy, soul-draining, irregularly-timed period every month-ish. Here are some tunes that played today that get me thinking about having someone special.
If I Were You, Collin Raye - This one's double listed. For the most part it belongs here because it's a love song, but it's not a cheesy, sappy love song (there's a little cynicism!). Collin Raye sings as part of a couple who's partner has just asked "Where we go from here?" He tells it straight up - he doesn't know ("Is what we have enough to last a whole life through? Who knows, baby, who knows."), but he'd like to figure it out ("I won't promise the moon, but I promise to be here."). The song is about real love, not idealized love. He doesn't know what the future holds, "But what if together it gets better every day?" Well, his answer is simple, really - "If I were you, I'd fall in love with me."
Chances Are, , Martina McBride and Bob Seger - This is a nice duet, and the singers' voices are nicely opposing. Seger's is deep and gravelly while McBride's is higher and smooth. They work well together with Seger's piano. A bit of the song play in the Sandra Bullock/Harry Connick Jr. movie "Hope Floats," and its tone fits really well with the movie in that it's about a love you weren't expecting that works its way subtly into your heart until one day you wake up and go, "Well, hell. I'm in love." It's shown in McBride's verse:
I remember clearly how you looked the night we met
I recall your laughter and your smile
I remember how you made me feel so at ease
I remember all your grace, your style
And now you're all I long to see
You've come to mean so much to me
It's a sweet song that I like to listen to over and over.
Shiver, Jamie O'Neal - This song is sexy. It's meant to elicit the physical and describe how a person can turn to goo just with a glance from her partner. A verse and the chorus:
I love the way your whisper slowly, softly lingers
in my ear
You move a little lower, the world starts spinning slower
Then it disappears
Your lips so close we kiss almost
Just barely touch, but that's enough to make me
Shiver
Tremble
I never, no I never once felt so much
It shakes me how you take me
Deeper than I've ever been it's to the core under my skin
I shiver
It's hot!
Songs of Remembrance
There You'll Be, Faith Hill - This song was very popular in the months after my sister died, but I didn't pay too much attention to it for quite some time. One night, I was relaxing before bed and just sitting still while listening to music. This song came on, and I really listened to the lyrics. I thought of how, when we were young, my sister and I had always backed each other up and been each other's best friend. "You showed me how it feels to feel the sky within my reach, and I always will remember all the strength you gave to me. Your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you. You were right there for me." I never truly recognized that I had learned a lot about inner strength of my little sister, but I suddenly knew while listening to this song that I hadn't learned enough. With the last lines of the chorus -- "I'll keep a part of you with me, and everywhere I am, there you'll be" -- I promised to keep my sister's strength and optimism with me, especially when it seems all in a situation is lost.
No Frontiers, The Corrs - For my brother's funeral, I made a CD of some of his favorite songs to play while folks gathered for the services. We finally figured out how to make the church's sound system work right before the services began, so the only song that got played was this one that I picked for when we all left the church for graveside services. This was one of our favorite songs when we lived together, and we often played Mary Black's version from a Celtic CD. When Paul discovered The Corrs years later ("It's a group of three hot Irish chicks and their brother" was how he described them), he often commented that he preferred their version over Black's.
In your eyes
Faint as a singing of a lark
But somehow this black night feels warmer for their spark
Warmer for the spark
To hold us ‘til the day when fear will lose its grip
And Heaven has its way
Heaven knows no frontiers
And I’ve seen Heaven in your eyes
My brother moved past any insecurities and fears he may have felt and lived a good life. Would that everyone could.
Faithfully, Journey - I went to the same Muscular Dystrophy Association summer camp from age eight until age twenty-one, and I made some of my best friends there. Every year we had a talent show, and after the show we had a concert from the Airheads, our in-house air band made up of mostly male staff members and a couple of boy campers. We all acted as if we were at a big time concert, screaming and throwing ourselves at the "band" members. It was great fun. The Airheads specialized in "covering" REO Speedwagon, Bryan Adams, and Journey, and every year they performed "Faithfully." This song always puts a smile on my face, and sometimes it makes me cry, because it reminds me of good friends.
Songs of Strength and Hope
If I Were You, Collin Raye - I know I mentioned this song already, but it has two great lines that I need to print and put up near my home and lab computers. "If I were you I'd promise to live life for all it's worth, take all that you've been given and leave your mark upon this Earth." This is what I've been trying to do all my life. I've been trying to push through the stereotypes of disability, to show people (including some in my extended family) that a person in a wheelchair can contribute more to her/his community and the world than having a nice, safe office job. Please be aware that I am not down on office jobs. That's just not what I've been called to do. I'm a scientist, and I refuse to let bad dreams of being "fired" by advisor scare me off.
I Will Be, Lila McCann – This whole song is about believing in yourself, having confidence in yourself, and reaching for as high a goal as you dare. I don't think I can say any more than that. There's no video here, but you can hear the song at least.
I will be here, I will be strong
I'll face my fears when the night is long
And still go on
I will be brave, I will be bold
Follow my faith to a higher road
And I'm not there yet
But I will be
Saturday night I spent some time alone with my music, really listening to it and letting myself feel the emotions it invoked rather than it just being background noise while I wrote on the prospectus or made dinner. It was a bit of an emotional roller coaster, and I wanted to share some of those feelings since I've gotten good at bottling things up until I explode. I can group the songs into three basic groups: Songs that Remind Me I'm Not As Cynical as I Wish I Were, Songs of Remembrance, and Songs of Strength and Hope.
Songs that Remind Me I'm Not As Cynical as I Wish I Were
I'm not as cynical as I used to be – and I blame it on the Depo! That darned "feel good" hormone progesterone coursing through my body is turning me into a soft girly girl who cries every time she sees the Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercial on TV. Though I must admit that it's awfully nice to not have a heavy, soul-draining, irregularly-timed period every month-ish. Here are some tunes that played today that get me thinking about having someone special.
If I Were You, Collin Raye - This one's double listed. For the most part it belongs here because it's a love song, but it's not a cheesy, sappy love song (there's a little cynicism!). Collin Raye sings as part of a couple who's partner has just asked "Where we go from here?" He tells it straight up - he doesn't know ("Is what we have enough to last a whole life through? Who knows, baby, who knows."), but he'd like to figure it out ("I won't promise the moon, but I promise to be here."). The song is about real love, not idealized love. He doesn't know what the future holds, "But what if together it gets better every day?" Well, his answer is simple, really - "If I were you, I'd fall in love with me."
Chances Are, , Martina McBride and Bob Seger - This is a nice duet, and the singers' voices are nicely opposing. Seger's is deep and gravelly while McBride's is higher and smooth. They work well together with Seger's piano. A bit of the song play in the Sandra Bullock/Harry Connick Jr. movie "Hope Floats," and its tone fits really well with the movie in that it's about a love you weren't expecting that works its way subtly into your heart until one day you wake up and go, "Well, hell. I'm in love." It's shown in McBride's verse:
I remember clearly how you looked the night we met
I recall your laughter and your smile
I remember how you made me feel so at ease
I remember all your grace, your style
And now you're all I long to see
You've come to mean so much to me
It's a sweet song that I like to listen to over and over.
Shiver, Jamie O'Neal - This song is sexy. It's meant to elicit the physical and describe how a person can turn to goo just with a glance from her partner. A verse and the chorus:
I love the way your whisper slowly, softly lingers
in my ear
You move a little lower, the world starts spinning slower
Then it disappears
Your lips so close we kiss almost
Just barely touch, but that's enough to make me
Shiver
Tremble
I never, no I never once felt so much
It shakes me how you take me
Deeper than I've ever been it's to the core under my skin
I shiver
It's hot!
Songs of Remembrance
There You'll Be, Faith Hill - This song was very popular in the months after my sister died, but I didn't pay too much attention to it for quite some time. One night, I was relaxing before bed and just sitting still while listening to music. This song came on, and I really listened to the lyrics. I thought of how, when we were young, my sister and I had always backed each other up and been each other's best friend. "You showed me how it feels to feel the sky within my reach, and I always will remember all the strength you gave to me. Your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you. You were right there for me." I never truly recognized that I had learned a lot about inner strength of my little sister, but I suddenly knew while listening to this song that I hadn't learned enough. With the last lines of the chorus -- "I'll keep a part of you with me, and everywhere I am, there you'll be" -- I promised to keep my sister's strength and optimism with me, especially when it seems all in a situation is lost.
No Frontiers, The Corrs - For my brother's funeral, I made a CD of some of his favorite songs to play while folks gathered for the services. We finally figured out how to make the church's sound system work right before the services began, so the only song that got played was this one that I picked for when we all left the church for graveside services. This was one of our favorite songs when we lived together, and we often played Mary Black's version from a Celtic CD. When Paul discovered The Corrs years later ("It's a group of three hot Irish chicks and their brother" was how he described them), he often commented that he preferred their version over Black's.
In your eyes
Faint as a singing of a lark
But somehow this black night feels warmer for their spark
Warmer for the spark
To hold us ‘til the day when fear will lose its grip
And Heaven has its way
Heaven knows no frontiers
And I’ve seen Heaven in your eyes
My brother moved past any insecurities and fears he may have felt and lived a good life. Would that everyone could.
Faithfully, Journey - I went to the same Muscular Dystrophy Association summer camp from age eight until age twenty-one, and I made some of my best friends there. Every year we had a talent show, and after the show we had a concert from the Airheads, our in-house air band made up of mostly male staff members and a couple of boy campers. We all acted as if we were at a big time concert, screaming and throwing ourselves at the "band" members. It was great fun. The Airheads specialized in "covering" REO Speedwagon, Bryan Adams, and Journey, and every year they performed "Faithfully." This song always puts a smile on my face, and sometimes it makes me cry, because it reminds me of good friends.
Songs of Strength and Hope
If I Were You, Collin Raye - I know I mentioned this song already, but it has two great lines that I need to print and put up near my home and lab computers. "If I were you I'd promise to live life for all it's worth, take all that you've been given and leave your mark upon this Earth." This is what I've been trying to do all my life. I've been trying to push through the stereotypes of disability, to show people (including some in my extended family) that a person in a wheelchair can contribute more to her/his community and the world than having a nice, safe office job. Please be aware that I am not down on office jobs. That's just not what I've been called to do. I'm a scientist, and I refuse to let bad dreams of being "fired" by advisor scare me off.
I Will Be, Lila McCann – This whole song is about believing in yourself, having confidence in yourself, and reaching for as high a goal as you dare. I don't think I can say any more than that. There's no video here, but you can hear the song at least.
I will be here, I will be strong
I'll face my fears when the night is long
And still go on
I will be brave, I will be bold
Follow my faith to a higher road
And I'm not there yet
But I will be
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Sadness and Gladness
I've spent the better part of this month working hard on my manuscript, a fellowship application, and my prospectus. Two are close to completion and the third will be in short order. I've been doing all this work wearing a blanket of depression because today is the one year anniversary of my brother's death. I have days when I'm OK, other days not so much.
For the sake of brevity (because I keep falling asleep due of bad sleep last night and because I need to work on the fellowship that's due Friday), I will say only this for the time being:
To all the readers of Beth's blog who came over here to offer sympathy, empathy, and support -- I can not say thank you enough, and I am humbled by your kindness.
To the Three Musketeers (my new nickname for certain Canadians and their very own park ranger) -- I received your package yesterday, and I cried at all the love sealed up in that box. I never could have thought it would hold so much. You're all going through so much right now that I'm amazed you can find the time/energy to put together such a sweet and loving surprise to help alleviate part of my grief. Thank you.
For the sake of brevity (because I keep falling asleep due of bad sleep last night and because I need to work on the fellowship that's due Friday), I will say only this for the time being:
To all the readers of Beth's blog who came over here to offer sympathy, empathy, and support -- I can not say thank you enough, and I am humbled by your kindness.
To the Three Musketeers (my new nickname for certain Canadians and their very own park ranger) -- I received your package yesterday, and I cried at all the love sealed up in that box. I never could have thought it would hold so much. You're all going through so much right now that I'm amazed you can find the time/energy to put together such a sweet and loving surprise to help alleviate part of my grief. Thank you.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Webpages for Jessica
At right, I've added two links to webpages that have been created in memory of my friend Jessica. The Blogger page has pictures, and the Facebook page has links to news articles relating to her death.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
You never think it will happen to someone you know
I found out a couple of hours ago that a woman I know, Jessica, was stabbed to death in her own home over the weekend. She used to be a grad student here in my department, and she was one of my officemates two years ago. I didn't know her well, but I liked her.
They say if you live in New Orleans long enough, you'll know someone who will be a victim of violent crime. I was hoping I wouldn't live here that long.
They say if you live in New Orleans long enough, you'll know someone who will be a victim of violent crime. I was hoping I wouldn't live here that long.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Congratulations Lynlee, Naomi, and Pauley
I watched two WSU graduations today via webcast. At 1530 was the Fairmount College of Liberal Arts and Sciences ceremony which I watched for two reasons -- Paul was posthumously being awarded his master of arts in English literature, and Lynlee was being awarded her bachelor of arts in _____ (please fill in the blank, L). Women's studies? Then at 1900, Naomi received her MA in communication sciences and disorders from the College of Health Professions.
Lynlee -- You are one of the most amazing women I know. You put yourself through school while raising your incredible child on your own AND birthing four beautiful babies to start three families. And you still got your BA in five years. Superwoman? I think so. Love you, and thanks for "whooping."
Nay -- You are another one of the most amazing women I know. Remember those days when you used to say you were scared of going to college, mainly because of algebra? Remember how you used to say the honor cords were for "brainiacs" like me, that you'd never graduate with one? Then two years ago, not only did you graduate with your BA, you did it with that gold cord around your neck. Remember also how you used to say you'd NEVER get a masters? Now look at you -- graduated and hooded and ready to be a "for real" speech pathologist. I'm beyond proud of you. I love you.
Pauley -- I know I don't need to say that I would've preferred to have seen you go across that stage rather than Mom and Dad. Mere words can't convey the joy and pain I felt watching them go up to accept your diploma, but I don't need words since now you can read my heart as easily as you used to read Shakespeare, Chaucer, and Donne. I love you.
Lynlee -- You are one of the most amazing women I know. You put yourself through school while raising your incredible child on your own AND birthing four beautiful babies to start three families. And you still got your BA in five years. Superwoman? I think so. Love you, and thanks for "whooping."
Nay -- You are another one of the most amazing women I know. Remember those days when you used to say you were scared of going to college, mainly because of algebra? Remember how you used to say the honor cords were for "brainiacs" like me, that you'd never graduate with one? Then two years ago, not only did you graduate with your BA, you did it with that gold cord around your neck. Remember also how you used to say you'd NEVER get a masters? Now look at you -- graduated and hooded and ready to be a "for real" speech pathologist. I'm beyond proud of you. I love you.
Pauley -- I know I don't need to say that I would've preferred to have seen you go across that stage rather than Mom and Dad. Mere words can't convey the joy and pain I felt watching them go up to accept your diploma, but I don't need words since now you can read my heart as easily as you used to read Shakespeare, Chaucer, and Donne. I love you.
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