I've spent the better part of this month working hard on my manuscript, a fellowship application, and my prospectus. Two are close to completion and the third will be in short order. I've been doing all this work wearing a blanket of depression because today is the one year anniversary of my brother's death. I have days when I'm OK, other days not so much.
For the sake of brevity (because I keep falling asleep due of bad sleep last night and because I need to work on the fellowship that's due Friday), I will say only this for the time being:
To all the readers of Beth's blog who came over here to offer sympathy, empathy, and support -- I can not say thank you enough, and I am humbled by your kindness.
To the Three Musketeers (my new nickname for certain Canadians and their very own park ranger) -- I received your package yesterday, and I cried at all the love sealed up in that box. I never could have thought it would hold so much. You're all going through so much right now that I'm amazed you can find the time/energy to put together such a sweet and loving surprise to help alleviate part of my grief. Thank you.
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5 comments:
Dawn: Yikes, a demand for a finished product and all the grieving, not a great week. I am glad that you got to know your brother so well, and that you got to experience a bond together. I want to be with you, to sit with you while grieving, and to make you something to eat and drink while you work on your fellowship (let the arm swell up, it's worth it). I am here as I can be, and I know that sometimes, focused numbing work can stop the feelings and sometimes the feelings can stop the ability to even want to touch the focused numbing work.
Thanks for posting, I am thinking of you every day. We talk about you as if you are part of our household, we just keep missing you somehow.
I miss him so much too!I drove by the dorm around 3:40 this afternoon,still can't believe he's been gone for a year.take care,you are my family.
Amanda
That sounds somewhat of a difficult challenge, heaped on top of several other difficult challenges.
I hope that you have a suitable sort of day, that makes you feel a little better afterwards. Thinking of you.
Hi Dawn
No, you do not need to be humbled, nor do you need to thank us... It is something that human beings should do as a rule and not just as an exception...
The only way, we will ever be able to survive this crumbling world, is if we were to stand together and allow others to lean on us where we can. We are all in some way family and that is what families are "supposed" to do... Be there for each other and look out for each other and dry the tears when others can not.
It is so simple to start "Caring" once one is in some sort of predicament but so long as one's world runs without a hitch, you tend to not think of the other people around you. I wonder sometimes whether challenges come across our path, to open our eyes to other people's needs and realise how self-centered our lives have been.
It's easy to ignore...but ironically, it seems even easier to care if you just make the effort.
I hope things are going well with your manuscript. I am sorry for the loss of your brother but I am sure you have many great memories that you can hang on to, that can never be taken away.
Keep Well and all of the best to you Dartanyon ;D
~ Drake ~
Beth -- I've been feeling a lot of love from you, Linda, and Cheryl this week, and I'm grateful. I just submitted the fellowship application ten minutes ago. Now I need to work on the prospectus so I can defend my General Exam on 16 January so I'll actually be eligible. Man, I need far FAR more dark chocolate than I have in the lab.
Amanda -- I know you miss him calling you Chunner. :-) I think about you and Nate every day, even if I am horrible about communicating. You are my family, too.
Abi -- Thanks. It wasn't as bad of a day as it could have been -- except for the part where I couldn't find my advisor all afternoon after he told me the previous day he'd be around all day.
Drake -- I am the fourth musketeer? Hooray! I agree that we all need to demonstrate our caring more often than I do. Me especially.
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